Friday, February 18, 2011

Blog Traffic

In the last year, I've become something of an internet celebrity. People are always Googling random shit and being led right here. Frankly, I'm concerned about some of the Google results that are leading them here. Seriously, people. I'm not running some kind of kiddie porn site here. Or a site about poop. (I was kind of asking for that one, though, wasn't I? Note to self: Figure out a new blog title.)

And yes. I do find this amusing. My google history is...erratic and eyebrow raising if nothing else. I have no room to speak except to say, 'MY PEOPLE.' Except for the sexytimes related searches. I don't really know what to say about all that.

I've divided the results into a four main categories.

Potentially Relevant to This Blog
Good stuff about lobotomy

1. It was outlawed.
Yep. That about sums that one up.


I couldn't agree more.
P.S. This is apparently non-English (Russian?) (Look at me being American and unable to identify another language. Thanks, public schools.) for lobotomy. I retract my statement about agreeing.

milwaukee brace

After my Deenie post, the internets say I'm something of an expert on archaic treatments for scoliosis. If you find that you or someone close to you has scoliosis, feel free to e-mail me. I have pictures of Milwaukee braces. That's as far as my knowledge goes.

is there an ebook for berly cleary's blubber


Off-Topic But Not the Worst Search Results I've Seen.

work stress is turning me into a psycho

im not harry winstons
Me neither. I'm not even a single Harry Winston.

anyone done a transatlantic cruise with a baby?
Nope. Next!

can i relaz my hair chemicaly after it backfired 1day ago

I'm going to say no to this one.

Did the circus hide alcohol inside camels?

Um, no? Camels' humps are living parts of the camel and not some conveinent secret drawer for your booze.


thongs--with/without pubic hair

That's really a personal choice. I don't think we know each other well enough to go into that.
ice room sex

If that floats your boat, go for it. Just be careful with that ice pick.

sex toys teen 18

What does this even mean? Are you 18 and looking for sex toys? Or are you looking for sex toy porn with 18-year-olds?

And let me just say, person--
If you were looking for something literary themed, shitty, and featuring 18-year-olds with sex toys, why did you skim right over all the Twilight themed porn sites? And thanks for Googling that phrase. Skimming over 40+ pages of Google results to see where I fall has left me feeling violated. (I never did find myself.)

mature women and castration


lil 15 year old girl gets fucked by brother best friend

Noooooo! Nooooo! Go away!

dads sex storry littel girls

Where are you people coming from?!

16 year old's ass

Not cool, people. Not cool.

Nicholas Sparks Haters.

Nicholas Sparks is a douchebag.

I'm just fighting the good fight.

nicholas sparks novel with literary merit

Lemme know when you find one.
a walk to remember literary merits


  1. I've been getting the same - a lot lately.

  2. I love people. I seriously love people. I love the fact that someone actually wondered whether circus owners were smuggling hooch inside camels, and I love that they were SO WORRIED about it, they actually had to Google the answer.

  3. At least you aren't hits for things like bestiality and Korean foot fetishes. Thank you Bing!

  4. Lately some of my friend talk about sex toys for female and I'm very interested to see one.

  5. To the above (sex toys online)commenter: awkward....

    And I think my "ewww! weird!" search term that lead to my blog was "Elizabeth anal." Because I called Lizzie Wakefield an anal retentive perfectionist. I don't want to think what they thought they'd find...

  6. This cracked me up. I can't get over your post. LOL!

  7. Your blog traffic is awesomely disturbing. The only searches I get are for she-males in reno. It's giving me a complex.

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  9. Have you ever tried to search those topics yourself and you don't find your blog anywhere?

  10. Just so you know, I googled "Literary shit" to see what would come up, scrolled down, read the meta for this post, and clicked because it felt like destiny. XD

  11. Your blog just makes me laugh : )
    I will be reading more!